Struggles, Sacrifice, and REWARDS...

This past year has been full of all of them! Including writing this entry. I struggle with whether or not I am over sharing or dragging people down or if anyone really wants to hear about this stuff, or they think I am complaining and ungrateful for all that I have. Sacrifice some privacy, and the reward that I might be helping someone else with what we are going thru and that I got all of this off my chest! In the end I felt that I really needed to get this out there!

First with our move to Pearsall:
Struggle-living with family{no matter how much you love them, living with parents is an adjustment and sometimes not matter how great the relationship is you have issues from time to time. But we love Gaelan's parents and are very thankful for their help}, living in a very small town{there is very little here, going to the park in the middle of the day is lonely because so far no stay at homes Moms that I have met. One pharmacy, small grocery store, etc}, up keep of a house, far away from the convenience of a large town{just those fun things that one would like to do spontaneously etc}. Driving 60 miles for groceries, doctors, etc.{enough said}
Sacrifice-friends{Matthew and I really miss those that we used to do playdates with and such, I miss having adult conversations with people!}, easy access to everything.
Rewards-having family around to help out, being able to have lunch with Gaelan on weekdays, a yard for Matthew to play in. In a year or so...being out of debt(except student loans) Once we have our debt taken care of, we will see where God wants us and be more able to go where he leads!

Matthew:
Struggle-discipline. For whatever reason, the move, age or whatever, Matthew has had a lot of discipline issues this past year. In spite of various methods of discipline, he still continues to disobey, disrespect, ignore, and act out everyday. Even small things are a struggle. We have good days but for the most part I go to bed every night praying that next day will be better, that Matthew will mind, that my patience will grow stronger and there be some evidence that I am doing a good and godly job of raising my son.
Sacrifice-going out and doing certain activities, sanity on my part(lol)
Reward-though not always evident now, I pray that hopefully one day a light will switch on and he will get why we have been showing him "tough love". That he looks back on these days and says that "I am a good and respectful , responsible person because my parents instilled discipline in me." He is such a bright, energetic, imaginative, creative and articulate child and I know that once we get him to focus all of that, then there is no telling what this boy can do!

Alexander:
Struggle: Stomach issues, excessive spitting up( he and I both can change our clothes upwards of 3 times a day sometimes) gas, colicky, and lots and lots of crying on both our parts! He has had such an unhappy short life. Breastfeeding. Doing so well in the beginning and then struggling and fussing during feedings, throwing up during feedings, always falling asleep while nursing. Sacrifice: Breastfeeding
Reward: Since I have switched him to Sensitive formula he is a whole new baby!PRAISE JESUS!! He still spits up quite a bit, but he is happy! Rarely has crying fits unless he gets really tired. Always smiling ! Doesn't throw up during feedings! Spit up has gone down some! No gas! (Let me tell you, this little guy could toot with the best of them before!) I really struggled with this. I could only breastfeed Matthew for a month because he just wouldn't do it, even back then he had issues with eating.(one of our battles on a daily basis is getting him to just sit and eat,) Alexander was doing it so well, but instead of it getting easier and getting faster at it, it was getting harder. He would cry to eat, then as I would start to nurse he would push away and scream, nurse a little , then start screaming some more. Then he would fall asleep and wake up 10 min later starving because he hadn't eaten enough to begin with. (for those of you who might ask, milk production and supply was not a problem, I had plenty) Feeding sessions were getting longer and longer. But I wanted to stick it out, breast milk is what's best. I went back and forth for about a month. Matthew was on formula and he is fine and so are millions of babies out there. But maybe I am giving up too easily, I felt like I had been doing something wrong or that there was something wrong with me. He was always upset and I wasn't enjoying it anymore. After one day of him crying and screaming for nearly 8 hours, I prayed and made the decision to put him on formula and I have no regrets! He his happy, feeling great, symptoms have seemed to get better! We both don't get frustrated at every feeding and instead can focus on bonding. It just melts my heart to see him smile while he eats and he is even trying to hold on to the bottle now. Do I miss the nursing? you bet, but in the end his happiness is what is more important!

Now I wasn't complaining or anything about any of this stuff, but felt like I needed to share what has been going on with us more deeply than just cute pics and funny comments. I have been reading some friends blogs and they share their struggles along with their joys and it helps me and I felt like I needed to share so that maybe I could help someone (and myself) know that they are not alone in their parenting struggles. That there are always better days and reasons for those struggles! God never gives us more than we can handle!

So I hope that I have helped someone out there and if not, I got to vent.{wink and a smile}